Pretending for a minute that MTV's Jersey Shore is something that deserves analysis, I am laying out some observations I've noticed as an avid watcher of this show. Listen, I understand that this is some of the worst drivel on American television today. It is, however, MTV's most popular show of all time. I don't know what that says about American viewers, but I'm just falling in line with the masses.
1. Generally speaking, people don't change
As we've seen throughout the five seasons of this show, they all consider each other a family. That's all well and good, but they all get fed up with each other on a regular basis. Now, it's understandable considering they live with each other and work together 24 hours a day. They also have no TV, no cell phones, and no radio or media. If you put seven people in a situation like that things are bound to reach a boiling point. They try to make the best out of a complicated situation. The issue is that they keep trying to make the best out of a complicated Situation. Mike The Situation is constantly treated like an outsider because he's an instigator and a drama queen. Everybody gets pissed at him for something he did, and a day later they return to their entrusting ways. They tell him that he's "been nice". Meanwhile, he's always plotting some diabolical scheme to sabotage someone's relationship. ALWAYS. He has always done that. Yet, they try so hard to keep him as part of the "family." I know you are living with the guy, and you're trying to get along. But at some point, just leave the motherfucker out of everything. Don't put yourself in a Situation where you end up needing to clean up a mess.
2. Dudes are pretty much what you think they are
Don't worry. I know these Jersey Shore cast members are not representative of everyone in the country. I do believe though that the general practice of bringing girls home to bang them is fairly common practice for beach-going single men. Pauley, Vinny, and Mike are constantly "acquiring assets" to come home after a crazy night at Karma to try and "get it in" as they all like to say. What's funny is right after they get up and go call a cab for these ladies. Get the hell outta here. I mean it's cold-blooded, but I do think that's kind of the way guys are about getting laid when they aren't in a relationship. I don't really think this is news to anyone. It's just funny to see it in practice on the small screen. Random question: How the hell do you have sex with someone when there are three people that sleep in the same room? That sounds like it would open a whole can of worms to me.
3. Branding is annoying
Now that all these cast members are low-level celebrities, they all have brands or wear brands related to appearances they've made outside of the show. Pauley wears his star shirts. Situation wears a SportsNation hat every now and then. They all print "Free Snooki" shirts and shit at the Shore Store just so they can stand out and prove they're better than everybody. It happens in every episode and its annoying. Mainly because I can't believe they're all getting rich off of this show that really isn't changing the world or TV or anyone's life in a positive way.
4. Everyone enjoys drama, but without the Ronnie and Sammi drama the show is better
Initially, the fact that there was an in-house relationship was an important arc for the "plot" of the show. After the first two and a half seasons though, I'd say it was about time those two ended up parting ways. It was one thing after another with them. After a while, intracouple drama isn't fun to watch. It's vexing, uncomfortable, and frustrating. Their arguments would border on domestic violence half the time. I mean this is a horrific equation:
Meathead + alcohol x girlfriend who annoys him = Items thrown and people punched
Now, after their return from Italy, it seems that there is nothing to speak of on this front. They both claimed that they aren't together and it's for the best. During this season, you see them sleeping in the same bed and hanging out, but their relationship hasn't been addressed directly. It has been quite refreshing. I'm sure somehow it will all come full circle, but for now it's a welcome break. They were a nightmare together. It makes you question you're own relationship. "If we aren't Ronnie and Sammi, we gotta be okay, right?"
Character Analysis
A quick synopsis of these fools on this show:
Snooki - Head meatball. Seriously, she is so trifling I can't even stand it. Every time she finishes a sentence in that one-on-one with the camera she purses her lips like she just said something so brilliant how can we not respect her. Well, we can not respect you for how you look, how you dress, how much of a drunk slob you are, your hookup choices, and your donk boyfriend.
Mike the Situation - Dude is a Situation. Constantly feels left out because he alienates people and starts shit. Skeezes on chicks way skeezier than the other guys.
Deena - Second meatball. Deena is clearly a flaming idiot. She's not entirely sure how electricity works. I do however think that she's someone I could actually be friends with. I mean she's nearly as trifling as Snooki and just as ugly, but she is fun and does seem to be able to hang with the boys.
Pauley D - The blowout is intense. That needs to go. But Pauley seems relatively sane, and he is certainly the funniest member of the house. Likes to bang girls in honor of his BFF Vinny.
Vinny - Easily the most normal of all the cast mates. Less of a meathead, less tan, less involved in bullshit. He's someone you could hang with.
JWOWW - She's no bullshit. She likes driving her boyfriend crazy. She has to reign in the meatballs a lot of times. Her most prominent trait are her gigantic boobs. I have to admit, I would put it to her.
Ronnie - Meathead who likes to fight over girls. Basically, the exact stereotype of a Jersey Guido.
Sammi - The sweetest bitch you'll ever meet. Actually that's sort of accurate. She's cute, but really adds just about nothing to the whole operation there.
Anyway, that's everybody's favorite Thursday night show. I will keep watching as long as it's on. For some reason. Something draws me in each week. Sigh. I'm exactly the kind of viewer the producers had in mind when they greenlit this thing.
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