Grammys and Oscars: Meh.

Oh we all know my unapologetic soft spot for awards season.  Maybe I like it because I think it means I'm "plugged in" to modern society.  Well, whatever.  I'm in and I will be for the foreseeable future.  Since the music one and the movie one have recently passed, here is what I took away from each broadcast:

GRAMMYS

1.   It was pretty clear Adele was going to dominate this thing.  She had one of the best years for a recording artist in recent memory.  She couldn't even sing live for most of the year and she still cleaned up!  I have to say, she does have a phenomenal voice and deserves her awards.  I would, however, appreciate it if every "Today's Hits" radio station wouldn't play one of her songs every 15 minutes and at the same time as all the other stations.  I get it.  She can sing.  Play something different.  Also, this is mean, but she really is a dead ringer for Miss Piggy at certain angles.













2.  Katy Perry stuck it to Russell Brand with that new single she performed.  She can rebound with me anytime she wants.

3.  Foo Fighters took a shot at Auto-Tune and pop music in their acceptance speech they were rudely cut-off during.  They basically said playing music and writing your own tunes is true art.  Hmm.  If that's the case, then half the damn music industry is not creating true art.  I don't entirely disagree with him.  But what would I do without pop music honestly?

4.  Chris Brown got a lot of air time for a deadbeat-boyfriend-criminal man.  What message does that send to the world?  "It's ok if you beat women as long as your talented and a certain amount of time has passed."  And the women that tweeted they would let him beat them?  Let's pump the brakes on the jokes, ladies.  You haven't been told you aren't funny.  I'm here to tell you that that wasn't funny.  Remotely.

5.  Nicki Minaj is legitimately bat-shit crazy.  Regardless of her music one way or the other.  Bat-shit.


OSCARS

1.  When Eddie Murphy dropped out, Billy Crystal was the obvious choice to replace him.  It was his 9th broadcast.  Wow.  He's good.  He's a little safe and overdone, but he has good presence and the Academy loves him.  His openings are pretty classic.  Those do not get old, unlike the silver screen stars I'm used to watching.  Holy cow, these people are aging.  And I'm not even 30 yet.  It'll get even more surreal in 10 more years.

2.  The Artist.  I get it.  It must be a nice (ahem) artistic movie that made people think outside the box.  But a silent movie in 2012?  I can't get behind that.  With all the technology and stuff we have now, going retro does not make me want to see your movie.  It won Best Director, Actor, and Picture.  You're telling me this guy was better than Gary Oldman?  No one is better than Commissioner Gordon.  No one.  And some Frenchman beat out Scorsese.  I didn't see Hugo, but I'm willing to bet based on, I don't know, HIS RESUME Scorsese probably should have taken one home.  C'mon people.

3.  Meryl Streep has won 3 out of her 17 nominations.  What a run.  For a sports fan, obviously her win percentage isn't great, but I would argue those are pretty good numbers.  It's like the consecutive NCAA Tournament bid streak.  Pretty impressive and it proves staying power.  No matter what you think of her, you have to respect the heights she's reached in the acting world.  She's like Tiger in his hey.

4.  Angelina Jolie is too thin.  Yes, she's still a pretty lady.  I just don't dig chicks that look like the dying dude who represented "Sloth" in Se7en and that have crappy, randomly placed tattoos on their arm.  Either get the whole sleeve or don't get it at all.  And yes, we all see you have a nice milky white leg.  I'm not jazzed.

5.  I actually thought Cirque de Soleil was awesome.  Some might say it was totally pointless, and I can't argue with that.  But at least it was a nice change of pace.  Nor was it the singing of each nominated song.  I always hated that.  At least that performance last night showed people with legit athletic and stage talent.  I've never seen an actual show, but I think it would be awesome.


So anyway, that's my take.  The Oscars weren't as compelling this year since I hadn't seen many of the movies.  The Grammys, after you realized Adele would win everything, didn't end so compelling either.  At least those musical performances kept you watching though.  I needn't forget to mention that awards shows always have the ladies out in high fashion, and they all look spectacular.  I enjoy that as much as anything else.  Until the Emmys!

An Analysis of Jersey Shore

Pretending for a minute that MTV's Jersey Shore is something that deserves analysis, I am laying out some observations I've noticed as an avid watcher of this show.  Listen, I understand that this is some of the worst drivel on American television today.  It is, however, MTV's most popular show of all time.  I don't know what that says about American viewers, but I'm just falling in line with the masses.

1.  Generally speaking, people don't change

As we've seen throughout the five seasons of this show, they all consider each other a family.  That's all well and good, but they all get fed up with each other on a regular basis.  Now, it's understandable considering they live with each other and work together 24 hours a day.  They also have no TV, no cell phones, and no radio or media.  If you put seven people in a situation like that things are bound to reach a boiling point.  They try to make the best out of a complicated situation.  The issue is that they keep trying to make the best out of a complicated Situation.  Mike The Situation is constantly treated like an outsider because he's an instigator and a drama queen.  Everybody gets pissed at him for something he did, and a day later they return to their entrusting ways.  They tell him that he's "been nice".  Meanwhile, he's always plotting some diabolical scheme to sabotage someone's relationship.  ALWAYS.  He has always done that.  Yet, they try so hard to keep him as part of the "family."  I know you are living with the guy, and you're trying to get along.  But at some point, just leave the motherfucker out of everything.  Don't put yourself in a Situation where you end up needing to clean up a mess.

2.  Dudes are pretty much what you think they are

Don't worry.  I know these Jersey Shore cast members are not representative of everyone in the country.  I do believe though that the general practice of bringing girls home to bang them is fairly common practice for beach-going single men.  Pauley, Vinny, and Mike are constantly "acquiring assets" to come home after a crazy night at Karma to try and "get it in" as they all like to say.  What's funny is right after they get up and go call a cab for these ladies.  Get the hell outta here.  I mean it's cold-blooded, but I do think that's kind of the way guys are about getting laid when they aren't in a relationship.  I don't really think this is news to anyone.  It's just funny to see it in practice on the small screen.  Random question:  How the hell do you have sex with someone when there are three people that sleep in the same room?  That sounds like it would open a whole can of worms to me.

3.  Branding is annoying

Now that all these cast members are low-level celebrities, they all have brands or wear brands related to appearances they've made outside of the show.  Pauley wears his star shirts.  Situation wears a SportsNation hat every now and then.  They all print "Free Snooki" shirts and shit at the Shore Store just so they can stand out and prove they're better than everybody.  It happens in every episode and its annoying.  Mainly because I can't believe they're all getting rich off of this show that really isn't changing the world or TV or anyone's life in a positive way.

4.  Everyone enjoys drama, but without the Ronnie and Sammi drama the show is better

Initially, the fact that there was an in-house relationship was an important arc for the "plot" of the show.  After the first two and a half seasons though, I'd say it was about time those two ended up parting ways.  It was one thing after another with them.  After a while, intracouple drama isn't fun to watch.  It's vexing, uncomfortable, and frustrating.  Their arguments would border on domestic violence half the time.  I mean this is a horrific equation: 
Meathead + alcohol x girlfriend who annoys him = Items thrown and people punched

Now, after their return from Italy, it seems that there is nothing to speak of on this front.  They both claimed that they aren't together and it's for the best.  During this season, you see them sleeping in the same bed and hanging out, but their relationship hasn't been addressed directly.  It has been quite refreshing.  I'm sure somehow it will all come full circle, but for now it's a welcome break.  They were a nightmare together.  It makes you question you're own relationship.  "If we aren't Ronnie and Sammi, we gotta be okay, right?"


Character Analysis

A quick synopsis of these fools on this show:

Snooki - Head meatball.  Seriously, she is so trifling I can't even stand it.  Every time she finishes a sentence in that one-on-one with the camera she purses her lips like she just said something so brilliant how can we not respect her.  Well, we can not respect you for how you look, how you dress, how much of a drunk slob you are, your hookup choices, and your donk boyfriend.

Mike the Situation - Dude is a Situation.  Constantly feels left out because he alienates people and starts shit.  Skeezes on chicks way skeezier than the other guys.

Deena - Second meatball.  Deena is clearly a flaming idiot.  She's not entirely sure how electricity works.  I do however think that she's someone I could actually be friends with.  I mean she's nearly as trifling as Snooki and just as ugly, but she is fun and does seem to be able to hang with the boys. 

Pauley D - The blowout is intense.  That needs to go.  But Pauley seems relatively sane, and he is certainly the funniest member of the house.  Likes to bang girls in honor of his BFF Vinny. 

Vinny - Easily the most normal of all the cast mates.  Less of a meathead, less tan, less involved in bullshit.  He's someone you could hang with.

JWOWW - She's no bullshit.  She likes driving her boyfriend crazy.  She has to reign in the meatballs a lot of times.  Her most prominent trait are her gigantic boobs.  I have to admit, I would put it to her.

Ronnie - Meathead who likes to fight over girls.  Basically, the exact stereotype of a Jersey Guido.

Sammi - The sweetest bitch you'll ever meet.  Actually that's sort of accurate.  She's cute, but really adds just about nothing to the whole operation there.


Anyway, that's everybody's favorite Thursday night show.  I will keep watching as long as it's on.  For some reason.  Something draws me in each week.  Sigh.  I'm exactly the kind of viewer the producers had in mind when they greenlit this thing.