Come With Me If You Can't Forgive

Ya, I was the Gov
They gave me the part.
All I ever wanted to know
Is "When Can You Start?"

I was on top of Cali
Felt like Mr. Universe
But then, like my muscles,
Everything went in reverse.

Something bad happened
That I could not Erase.
All I want to do is
Punch this scandal in the face.

I told True Lies...
Or never told Maria:
"I have an illegitimate son!
See he's right heaya!"

I have found something to be true
After all this unrest:
Lamentation of women
Is not what is best.

I cannot Totally Recall
All of the women I've boned.
But its at least twice the amount
Of the bad guys I've pwned.

Relationship: Terminated.
Another Junior in the mix.
It's a kid problem not even
A Kindergarten Cop could fix.

And while I regret what I've done,
Maria, I say to you:
I know now why you cry,
But it is something I can never do.

Am I embarrassed? Upset?
It would appear so.
I am no longer anyone's
Last Action Hero.

I will no longer be remembered
For the parts that I play.
I wish I had the power
To Jingle this All aWay.

C-A-P-S Crap Crap Crap

Sigh.

Well naturally it happened again.  The hockey team does all this work to get the Number 1 seed in the eastern conference, and they blow it.  That's all that you can say.  They blew it.  But the worst part is that this is two years in a row.  The Capitals are a team that are setting all the wrong records.  No #1 seeds get swept in the second round of the playoffs.  And to make it worse its a division opponent.  Seriously.  There is no excuse.  There was no fight.  I'm all out of answers.  It's nice to have a team that makes a postseason, considering the Caps are the only team that can, but for all the expectations.  I need something more.  Please.  I just need something more.

So obviously today was a rough day in the aftermath of the massacre on the ice last night.  Right before the end of work I hear that the legendary basketball coach at my alma mater has decided to retire.  Really?  Today Gary?  C'mon please no.  I can't deal.  I can't think straight.  I know you've had down seasons, including this last one.  I know your recruiting has not really stacked up nationally.  But you are all I have known.  You have delivered amazing things in your 22 years.  I was a student at Maryland during the national championship year.  How glorious that was.  No matter what happens with each season, I defend you to the death!  I never wished you to retire, yet here you are.  Too soon.  I know it was coming, but still...too soon.  The combination of these two events created a serious crack deep inside my heart.  Cinco de Mayo will be one of the worst sports days in recent memory.  I should have had margaritas to forget.

Someone at my office made an interesting point, or at least coined a new term.  He called me a "DC Sports Masochist."  I happen to think that is the perfect name for any die-hard DC sports fan.  We haven't won a professional championship (that means anything, people) since the Redskins won the Super Bowl in 1992.  This is the Redskins.  Holy crap.  Its bad.  Even when we are on the doorstep we can't deliver.  We shrivel up like a salted slug.  The losses are so damaging that it really does feel painful.  We love these teams, but they piss us off more than anything in the world.  They deliver more agony than joy, but we are tied to them for life.  We are asking for that pain.  We expect that pain.  We are in fact DC sports masochists.

Perhaps if Leonsis is considering renaming the Wizards he can start there.  Is there no relief?  Will there ever be?  Can't wait until next season!