Party in the U.S.A.

Ahoy!  I am a week removed from my trip to Scotland, and I gotta say it was a great trip.  Wonderful things to see and wonderful people as well.  Upon returning to the States, the world is in the throes of the Women's World Cup -- perhaps no grander stage to display pride and patriotism.  In the spirit of my travel to foreign lands and many foreign lands vying for soccer's ultimate crown, here are a list of 5 things I would love about living in the UK and 5 things I would totally miss if I ever lived in the UK:

5 Things I Would Love About Living in the UK

1.   In major cities, pubs on every corner.  I mean seriously.
2.   Public transportation.  Everything is so efficient, you don't even need to drive.  Plus you can walk everywhere, so you could be safe going to and fro the pubs.
3.  An emphasis on not working too hard.  Obviously, people work hard, but they are not afraid to take a load off over there.
4.  The lack of tipping in the service industry.  It's weird to order a drink and not have to tip each time.  Though they appreciate I'm sure, it's not entirely expected.  The cost of the drink is the cost of the drink.  Cool.
5.  The fact that in Scotland, it doesn't get dark until after 11pm in the summertime.  Obviously, the inverse is true in the winter, but we won't worry about that.


5 Things I Would Totally Miss About the U.S. If I Lived Abroad in the UK
1.  American football/sports.  Far and away.
2.  Driving on the correct side of the road.  Our side.
3.  American TV.  While I enjoy the British sense of humor, we have so many more choices for solid TV programming.
4.  Cuisine.  I loved haggis, but the melting pot that is America has a myriad of options for great food destinations.  Especially in D.C.
5.  Dentistry.

So that would be my lists.  And today you have to be super happy to be an American!  After the U.S. women's soccer team had the most improbable sports victory I can remember.  I know most of my friends would argue that soccer - especially women's soccer - has no bearing on anything relating to sports or patriotism.  But I am not that shut-off.  No matter the sport, I love championships.  LOVE THEM.  How could you not be excited about this?  In a weird way, it makes me feel like I can get out of any rut.  The team was dead and buried.  I sure wrote them off (of course, that is nothing new).  The resiliency and grit the team showed is something to be admired.  Brazil, gaining every possible advantage from the referee, thought they were a shoe-in to play France on Wednesday.  But after all the flopping and whining, all they are going to do is go home with the whole country waiting for 2014's men's team to defend home country.

Now the French await.  And if we've learned anything, it's that the French buckle under the pressure.  Go USA and Slainte Mhath!

For Buckets Sake

Quite the exciting night.  Packing for Scotland while watching the NBA Draft! Riveting.  But yes, I will be out of commish for the next week as I am overseas visiting the birthplace of golf.  Sweeeeet.  I will have knocked out 2/3 of the UK in last two years.  Holler.

I have to say, it is encouraging watching the Wizards operate in this draft.  Initially, I do not get excited about bringing in foreign players who you may have to wait a year or two to even get onto your squad.  That's simply a bias.  I don't get to watch those players play throughout a season like I do with the college players that are coming out.  But the experts seem to really know these guys and really like this Jan Vesely character out of the Czech Republic.  Watching his highlights sort of made me a believer.  He is a vicious dunker.  It will be nice to see John Wall alley-oop him a few times a game.  But what really endeared me to him after watching him be selected was his money long smooch with his hot, blond girlfriend.  The crowd went wild.  Great TV.  I just hope he makes it over to D.C. for next season.  That would be my main concern. 

I love the pick of Chris Singleton at 18.  He fell right into the Wizards lap and they jumped.  They need defense and he just so happens to be a wide body to fill up the lane.  I think he will be a valuable asset to a growing, immature team. 

I don't really enjoy the Shelvin Mack pick in the second round, though I am familiar with him.  With my fellow Terrapin Jordan Williams sitting there ripe for the picking I would have loved to seem them take the hometown hero.  But I guess they may need a safety net at the guard position in case Nick Young leaves or  just for depth.  After all, they need to score more points than the other team to win games.  Simple concept.  I'm just not sold that Mack is the answer to help contribute to point totals.  But he could prove me wrong.  He's not a bad player.  Overall, I think the Wizards really did help themselves though.  They got skilled players and filled some needs.  That's what its all about.  A couple more drafts with multiple picks and they could really be in good shape.

Alright, so I shall return with a blog in a few weeks after the overseas vacation.  In honor of my trip to Scotland, here are a few things I would like to see happen when I am off the American media grid for a week:

- NFL: Please tell me there's a season.  Get a deal done next week.  What a great welcome home gift that would be.

-Either the Nationals or the Orioles become a totally stable baseball franchise.  The buzz in DC right now is about the Nationals winning games, but when the coach quits there's a problem.  And well, with Angelos at the helm in Baltimore, all you can do is hope.

-I miraculously have a million job offers waiting for me upon my return.

-An epic Wimbledon final.  Actually, I will probably be plugged right into this, but whatever. 

Random note:  Why the hell are they remaking Footloose?  Some movies should be left alone.  MTV should be ashamed.  Julianne Hough is no Lori Singer.  I can tell you that right now.  Let Kevin Bacon's majestic performance stand alone. 

I'll do my best to take a pic in a kilt.

So, What Now?

As I sit here and watch the disembowling of Vancouver in Game 6 of the Stanley Cup Finals, I come to the realization that all a scintillating sports season is coming to an end.  Ok, with the way things are going in this game I have another two nights to mourn the exit of the "winter" sports season.  Still, should Vancouver not come back to win this game, after Wednesday, what comes next?

See normally we would only be a few weeks out from minicamps and training camp and two-a-days for college football.  And the anticipation would be making our knees shake and our manhood stand at attention.  But we don't really have that right now.  Though it looks like sunny days are on the horizon in terms of the lockout, we are still devoid of any legit NFL news.  If you look on an NFL news website they are reaching farther than Mr. Fantastic to find any interesting material.  The end of June and July do not look promising.

The great thing about May and June are the coinciding playoff runs by two of the major sports leagues in the NBA and the NHL.  Yes, some interest in hockey has waned a little bit since the Capitals broke a million hearts, but playoff hockey is second to none.  And as much as the NBA regular season makes me want to hibernate like a black bear, I do enjoy the playoffs.  Basketball is a great stage for dynamic superstar performances that can just take over a series.  Can we say Dirk Nowitski?  I mean, how great was it that he outdueled LeBron and Wade to take over.  So glad LeBron and Miami have to wait at least another year.  What a deuche.  No less than you deserve.  Big ups to Dallas.  Way to play.  Anyway, I digress.  The NBA finals was gritty, exciting, and worth watching...for once.  That's over.  Hockey will end in two days.  What is out there to replace that playoff excitement?

To all the baseball fans, don't tell me baseball.  Yes, baseball is a great summer outing.  But the season is so damn long, baseball doesn't even matter for another four months.  Plus, yet again, the area teams are not any good.  Nothing is interesting on that front.  Oh yeah, and baseball isn't football.  Keep that in mind.

So what to do?  I guess I will still be reading blogs and websites checking in on local sports and football teams that have nothing to report.  I will awake everyday with my fingers and toes crossed that the lockout is nearing its end.  I guess I will try to keep up on as much recruiting as I possibly can.  That's what I got.  Until then, as much as I hate that Boston is enjoying a pretty phenomenal run as a championship city over the last decade, I will hope the Bruins can string together a few more wins to keep the cup out of Canada. 

Come With Me If You Can't Forgive

Ya, I was the Gov
They gave me the part.
All I ever wanted to know
Is "When Can You Start?"

I was on top of Cali
Felt like Mr. Universe
But then, like my muscles,
Everything went in reverse.

Something bad happened
That I could not Erase.
All I want to do is
Punch this scandal in the face.

I told True Lies...
Or never told Maria:
"I have an illegitimate son!
See he's right heaya!"

I have found something to be true
After all this unrest:
Lamentation of women
Is not what is best.

I cannot Totally Recall
All of the women I've boned.
But its at least twice the amount
Of the bad guys I've pwned.

Relationship: Terminated.
Another Junior in the mix.
It's a kid problem not even
A Kindergarten Cop could fix.

And while I regret what I've done,
Maria, I say to you:
I know now why you cry,
But it is something I can never do.

Am I embarrassed? Upset?
It would appear so.
I am no longer anyone's
Last Action Hero.

I will no longer be remembered
For the parts that I play.
I wish I had the power
To Jingle this All aWay.

C-A-P-S Crap Crap Crap

Sigh.

Well naturally it happened again.  The hockey team does all this work to get the Number 1 seed in the eastern conference, and they blow it.  That's all that you can say.  They blew it.  But the worst part is that this is two years in a row.  The Capitals are a team that are setting all the wrong records.  No #1 seeds get swept in the second round of the playoffs.  And to make it worse its a division opponent.  Seriously.  There is no excuse.  There was no fight.  I'm all out of answers.  It's nice to have a team that makes a postseason, considering the Caps are the only team that can, but for all the expectations.  I need something more.  Please.  I just need something more.

So obviously today was a rough day in the aftermath of the massacre on the ice last night.  Right before the end of work I hear that the legendary basketball coach at my alma mater has decided to retire.  Really?  Today Gary?  C'mon please no.  I can't deal.  I can't think straight.  I know you've had down seasons, including this last one.  I know your recruiting has not really stacked up nationally.  But you are all I have known.  You have delivered amazing things in your 22 years.  I was a student at Maryland during the national championship year.  How glorious that was.  No matter what happens with each season, I defend you to the death!  I never wished you to retire, yet here you are.  Too soon.  I know it was coming, but still...too soon.  The combination of these two events created a serious crack deep inside my heart.  Cinco de Mayo will be one of the worst sports days in recent memory.  I should have had margaritas to forget.

Someone at my office made an interesting point, or at least coined a new term.  He called me a "DC Sports Masochist."  I happen to think that is the perfect name for any die-hard DC sports fan.  We haven't won a professional championship (that means anything, people) since the Redskins won the Super Bowl in 1992.  This is the Redskins.  Holy crap.  Its bad.  Even when we are on the doorstep we can't deliver.  We shrivel up like a salted slug.  The losses are so damaging that it really does feel painful.  We love these teams, but they piss us off more than anything in the world.  They deliver more agony than joy, but we are tied to them for life.  We are asking for that pain.  We expect that pain.  We are in fact DC sports masochists.

Perhaps if Leonsis is considering renaming the Wizards he can start there.  Is there no relief?  Will there ever be?  Can't wait until next season!

Garyland

Well, it has been awhile.  The great event that is the NCAA basketball tournament ended with a dud.  Had to be the worst game I've ever watched.  I had nothing invested this late in the game anyway.  My brackets were toast after round 2, though I did win a loser's pool in my Mom's office!  Exciting.

Anyway, just to send college basketball out with a bang, I need to comment on this Gary Williams-Debbie Yow-Greg Doyel feud.  Everyone knows Debbie Yow did good things, sort of, as an athletic director.  But to claim that Gary Williams sabotaged her coaching search is so ludicrous it's not even funny.

First of all, even if he did, who cares?  In fact, I hope he did.  Anything to ruin Yow's career or the institution of NC State is fantastic.  Also, as long as it doesn't effect Maryland or effects Maryland in a positive way, then I really have zero problem with it.

Second of all, I don't think Gary would go out of his way make calls or send emails to possible coaching candidates talking about how much of a bitch Yow is.  I'm sure he has better things to do.  (As an aside, in fact I hope he does have better things to do.  Like getting talented basketball players to come to school).  I really don't think he cares what Yow does or what NC State does.  It doesn't affect his status as a money Hall of Famer.

Now I wouldn't put it past coaching candidates to contact Gary to ask his opinion on working for Yow, in which case he can tell them what he thinks.  There's no crime in that.  I would in no way classify that as some form of sabotage.  He's merely telling them what he thinks about how miserable she is to work with.

And apparently some pro-Debbie Yow idiot from CBS Sports is saying that Gary would be locked up if he weren't a basketball coach because he's a lunatic.  Okay, idiot.  I don't think you have any grounds to make that claim.  Do you know Gary personally?  I don't.  Sure you have the right to express how you feel about someone.  I wouldn't go so far as to be slanderous without really knowing someone though.  I mean Jesus.  In your position as a journalist, there is something called credibility and integrity.  It would see to me that this guy has neither.  I suppose it shouldn't matter that some random blogger is bad-mouthing Gary Williams, but there's no professionalism and no reason to believe what this deuchebag thinks.

It's easy to see that I am a die-hard Maryland fan, and I'm in the tank for Gary.  Some people believe that he needs to move on because he can't get talent in here and maybe "the game has passed him by."  To me he has a lifetime contract, as frustrating as seasons like this past one may be.  But hell, he was coach of the co-ACC regular season champion last year.  I feel like that buys him a little time.  He's done more for the program than anyone.  Yow and Doyel need to step off.  Worry about yourself.  Since neither of you are Hall of Famers in your respective fields, perhaps you should reserve your jealous, pouty behavior.  You need to be in time-out.  Sigh.  Ok, I feel a little better.

March Badness

It does happen to be the week of the greatest sporting event ever created, so its hard to be completely down on the month of March.  However, I cannot help but notice a few glaring omissions from regular March festivities.

1.   Maryland was in fact so crappy to watch play basketball, they were uninvited to the NIT for God's sake.  A high profile program with a winning record (albeit not by much) was not highly regarded by the second rate basketball tournament during the Madness.  Wow.  As the end of the season neared, I certainly realized that this season was essentially the polar opposite of last season.  We had shooters, we had play makers, we had grit.  This year, we don't even want to go to the College Basketball Invitational.  And we've reached a new low.

2.  A funny thing happened on the way to the basketball tournament.  The NFL as we know it ceases to be a well-oiled juggernaut.  It has now become a schoolboy game of nanny-nanny-boo-boo, as each side sticks their tongue out at the other trying to figure out who has the bigger dick.  I think its pretty near impossible to side with the owners here.  How greedy can you get?  The players are the engine that makes the league go.  Well, concussions and messed up knees aside, let's take money back from the players to build gaudier, Middle-eastern prince-style stadiums that are totally unnecessary.  The fact that they don't even want to provide financial proof of their "decline" in profits, pretty much proves they are just representing capitalism at its best. 

Despite the fact that the owners are greedy bastards, I am just fed up with this whole thing from both sides.  Between the players and the owners, someone has to be smart and rational enough to figure this out.  This is the biggest display of immaturity I've ever witnessed.  This is over billions of dollars.  Ask me to split the money.  I can find a way.  I would love to find a way see if I can turn 1 billion dollars into more billion dollars.

And so, here is a limerick I have composed to keep this as cheeky as possible:

There once was a bunch of dicks
Who liked to go get their kicks
By demanding more cash
To throw in their giant stash
And reinforcing the fact that they're pricks

The players don't want to concede
Extra money the owners don't need
Why give it away
When they have no pensions anyway?
It's the epitome of greed

But now I don't even care
Because negotiations have gone nowhere
Its threatening to stall
The best part of fall
Forget you, to me this is unfair

~Fin


Ok, I just watched the end of Season 15 of The Bachelor.  Sigh.  Really, what a March.  When's the next Caps game?